Breaking the Cycle of Rumination and Worry
- Kylie Walls
- Sep 26
- 12 min read
The Replay Loop We Have All Experienced
Most of us know the feeling of lying awake at night, thoughts circling like a stuck record:
“Did I say that wrong?”…“Should I have handled it differently?”…“What if they think less of me now?”…“Maybe I should explain myself again.”…“What if I ruined everything?”“What if they’re angry and I don’t even know it?”
A little reflection is normal and even helpful. But sometimes reflection tips over into rumination: an endless mental replay that doesn’t solve problems but instead fuels worry, self-doubt, and sleepless nights.
What the Research Says About Rumination
Psychologists define rumination as a form of repetitive negative thinking (Nolen-Hoeksema, Wisco, & Lyubomirsky, 2008). It feels like “working something out,” but research shows the opposite:
Research consistently shows rumination is linked to poor mental health outcomes:
Depression and anxiety: Rumination is strongly associated with the onset, severity, and duration of depression and anxiety disorders (Nolen-Hoeksema, Wisco, & Lyubomirsky, 2008).
Sleep disruption: Studies indicate that rumination predicts poorer sleep quality and more insomnia symptoms (Thomsen, Mehlsen, Christensen, & Zachariae, 2003).
Stress response: Rumination prolongs physiological stress responses, keeping the body in a heightened state of arousal (Zoccola & Dickerson, 2012).
Impaired Problem-solving: Instead of clarifying, rumination actually impairs problem-solving and decision-making (Lyubomirsky, Tucker, Caldwell, & Berg, 1999).
In short, while rumination feels like “working something out,” the evidence shows it actually makes distress worse and longer lasting. In fact, rumination is one of the main reasons that people seek support from a psychologist.
Why We Ruminate: Research Insights
1. When Ruminating, we are Trying to Solve Problems (But Getting Stuck)
People often believe replaying a conversation or event in their mind will help them “find the answer” or “work out what went wrong.” But research shows that while ruminators believe they’re problem-solving, they actually perform worse at generating effective solutions (Lyubomirsky et al., 1999). For example, you may find yourself lying in bed after an argument, going over the conversation again and again, hoping to “figure it out” — but ending up just more anxious and tired, and when you do talk to the person again, you say things to them that you later regret.
The takeaway: Rumination can feel like problem-solving, but it rarely leads to real answers. In those moments, it can help to remind yourself: “This isn’t a problem I can truly solve right now, so it’s not worth spending more of my energy on it.”
2. When Ruminating, we are Seeking Certainty and Control
Rumination often comes from a need for certainty: “If I just think this through enough, I’ll be sure.” Studies show this pattern is especially strong in anxiety disorders like Generalised Anxiety Disorder (Borkovec et al., 1983). For instance, you may replay a work presentation to make sure you didn’t say something wrong, so that you can be certain you have not hurt your career trajectory, yet the more you replay it, the less certain you feel.
The takeaway: Rumination tricks the mind into thinking it can stay in control, even in situations where certainty simply isn’t possible. In schema therapy, this pattern is called the overcompensator mode—a way of trying to protect ourselves from uncomfortable or vulnerable feelings. For example, someone might keep replaying a worry like, “What if I said something that ruined my career?” as though turning it over enough times will ease the fear. In reality, the rumination just keeps the worry alive.
3. When Ruminating, we are trying to Avoid Emotions or Distressing Memories
For some people, rumination becomes a way of steering clear of uncomfortable emotions such as shame, sadness, or anger. Research by Nolen-Hoeksema (2000) found that this kind of avoidance often intensifies distress and makes it last longer. For example, after a painful experience, someone might replay every conversation to “figure out what went wrong” rather than allowing themselves to grieve or process the loss. Similarly, a person who has experienced sexual assault may try to avoid distressing memories of the event by ruminating about how no potential partners are suitable. In this way, rumination serves as a form of avoidance—not only of painful memories and emotions, but also of situations or relationships that might trigger vulnerability or the possibility of re-experiencing harm.
The takeaway: Rumination may shield us from emotions in the short term, but it also blocks genuine healing. Instead, try to notice what might actually bring comfort and relief—whether that’s talking with a trusted friend, receiving a hug from a partner, writing honestly in a journal, or turning to prayer as a way of expressing your feelings openly.
4. Rumination often Stems from Negative Self-Focus and Self-Evaluation
Rumination often fuels self-criticism. Research distinguishes between “reflection” (a more neutral form of self-analysis) and “brooding” (a negative, self-focused style of thinking), with brooding strongly linked to higher levels of depression and anxiety (Treynor, Gonzalez, & Nolen-Hoeksema, 2003). For instance, after a social gathering, you might fixate on one awkward comment you made, while dismissing or forgetting the many positive interactions. The mind zeroes in on a single perceived flaw, overshadowing the bigger picture.
The takeaway: Rumination exaggerates mistakes and magnifies shortcomings, while blocking a balanced perspective. If you notice yourself caught in this pattern, it may signal the influence of certain schemas or modes—for example, the Inner Critic or Unrelenting Standards mode. Working with a therapist to better understand these patterns can help you respond with greater balance, self-compassion, and clarity.
5. Rumination is often fuelled by deep-seated beliefs that we are defective or a failure.
Many of us developed beliefs about ourselves when we were younger, such as “I’m not good enough” or “I mustn’t make mistakes.” In schema therapy, these enduring beliefs are called schemas—broad patterns of thinking and feeling about ourselves, others, and the world, usually formed in childhood or through repeated experiences. Schemas can be adaptive, but maladaptive schemas create distorted, rigid lenses that shape how we interpret events.
Research shows that rumination is strongly associated with maladaptive schemas such as Defectiveness/Shame and Failure (Loraen, Hoffart, & Halvorsen, 2011). For example, after a small mistake at work, you might find yourself thinking, “I always mess things up,” replaying the event endlessly. The rumination feels compelling because it seems to confirm a long-standing belief of being a failure.
6. We ruminate because our stress system stays “switched on.”
Rumination is often the mind’s way of staying alert after something stressful happens. As part of the body’s built-in safety system, the brain replays threats in an effort to keep us prepared and protected.
Research shows that rumination prolongs the body’s stress response. People who keep replaying events after stressors have higher and longer-lasting cortisol (stress hormone) levels, which means their bodies stay in a “fight-or-flight” state far longer than necessary (Zoccola & Dickerson, 2012).
For example, After an argument with a partner, you keep replaying what was said. Your heart still races, and instead of reconnecting, you feel suspicious and guarded — making it harder to repair and move forward together.
The problem is that most of the time, we don’t actually need to stay on high alert. When this “safety system” is overactive, it turns into hypervigilance — and in relationships, hypervigilance often hurts rather than helps. Instead of making connections safer, it fuels doubt, tension, and unnecessary distance.
The takeaway: Rumination is the brain’s attempt to keep you safe by staying on guard, but instead it keeps both mind and body in overdrive — and can erode trust and closeness in relationships.
How Rumination Shows Up in Anxiety Disorders
Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
For someone with GAD, rumination often looks like an endless loop of “what if” questions. Imagine lying in bed after a work meeting: “What if I didn’t explain myself clearly? What if my boss thinks I’m incompetent? What if this affects my future?”
Even when nothing actually went wrong, the brain searches for danger. Research shows that this repetitive worry is central to GAD and makes it difficult to disengage (Borkovec et al., 1983).
Social Anxiety Disorder
After a social gathering, someone with social anxiety might spend hours replaying the night: “Why did I laugh like that? Did I interrupt? They probably thought I was awkward.”
This post-event rumination is a well-studied feature of social anxiety (Brozovich & Heimberg, 2008). The more a person replays, the more convinced they become that the interaction went badly — even when others didn’t notice a thing. Over time, this cycle makes social events feel unsafe, leading to avoidance.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
For people with OCD, rumination often takes the form of mental checking. A simple conversation can trigger hours of review: “Did I say something offensive? Did I give the wrong impression? I’ll just replay it again until I’m sure.”
But the “sure” feeling never lasts. That’s because replaying becomes a compulsion — a ritual that fuels rather than relieves obsessive thinking (Salkovskis, 1999).
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
For someone with PTSD, rumination often circles around the trauma itself: “Why did this happen to me? What could I have done differently? How will I ever feel safe again?” These loops feel like an attempt to make sense of what happened, but instead they prolong distress and reinforce the sense of danger.
Research shows trauma-related rumination is strongly linked with the maintenance of PTSD symptoms, keeping intrusive memories, hyperarousal, and a sense of helplessness alive (Ehlers & Clark, 2000). Because the body’s stress system remains “switched on,” the mind keeps scanning for threats, as though constant mental replay could prevent further harm.
Specific Phobias
In specific phobias, rumination often takes the form of anticipating worst-case scenarios. Someone afraid of snakes might think: “What if I see one on my walk tomorrow? What if I panic and can’t escape?” Even when the feared object isn’t present, the mind replays scenarios as if preparing for danger.
Research shows this anticipatory rumination strengthens fear associations, keeping the body in a state of readiness and making avoidance more likely (Davey & Levy, 1998). Over time, the rumination itself becomes part of the phobia, maintaining the cycle of fear and avoidance.
Understanding Rumination Through a Schema Therapy Lens
Schema Therapy offers a way of making sense of rumination and understanding the role it plays for you personally. One of the strengths of schema therapy is the collaborative process with a therapist, who can help you explore how rumination developed in your life, what purpose it is serving now, and how to loosen its grip. Through this work, you can gain practical tools to recognise the patterns driving rumination, understand where they come from, and learn how to give them less power over your present.
Schemas are like deep-seated patterns or “mental lenses” that form in childhood. They influence how we see ourselves and others. We tend to hyper-focus on things that confirm the things we most fear. Therefore. If someone carries a schema like “I’m not good enough” or “I mustn’t make mistakes or people will reject me,” rumination becomes a way of scanning for proof of those fears.
Schema Therapy also talks about modes — different “parts of us” that show up at different times. Rumination can be driven by a range of modes, including:
The Inner Critic: replaying mistakes with harsh judgment.
The Over-Controller: endlessly scanning for certainty, hoping that if every detail is checked, nothing bad will happen.
When these parts take over, rumination grows louder.
The aim in Schema Therapy is to strengthen what’s called the Healthy Adult mode. This is the calm, balanced part of us that can respond differently:
“Even if I didn’t say everything perfectly, I am still okay.”
“One moment doesn’t define my relationships.”
“My connections are built on honesty and care, not on perfection.”
In therapy, people learn to recognise when the critic or over-controller is speaking, to soothe the vulnerable part that feels unsettled, and to give more authority to the Healthy Adult voice.
What makes Schema Therapy helpful is that it doesn’t just stop rumination at the surface — it addresses the deeper patterns that keep fuelling it. By working with both past experiences and present reactions, clients build resilience and reduce the need to mentally replay.
Examples of Healthy Adult Responses to Rumination
A Note for Christians or People with Faith who Struggle with Rumination
As a psychologist who integrates schema therapy with Christians, and client of various faith backgrounds, I have often observed that the Inner Critic voice can resemble the voices of influential people (e.g., discipler or pastor), or the theology they have encountered. Sometimes this comes from well-meaning but harsh spiritual leaders and teachers. However, at other times, it reflects the words of church leaders or teachings that were more condemning than grace-filled.
For those who have experienced spiritual abuse, the critic voice may echo particularly painful messages, such as:
“God will punish you if you don’t get this right.”
“You are unworthy unless you obey without question.”
“Speaking up or having doubts makes you rebellious and sinful.”
“If you think or do certain things, you are of Satan”.
Because these messages were often delivered in spiritual settings, they can feel especially authoritative and hard to challenge. They may leave a person believing the critic voice is God’s voice, when in reality it is the echo of distorted theology or misused authority.
Schema therapy helps by shedding light on where these voices come from and why they feel so strong. A therapist can help you sift through and discern the truth from lies and condemnation. Schema Therapy also offers a way to strengthen the Healthy Adult mode, which can respond with compassion and truth:
“God’s love is not conditional on flawless performance.”
“Having questions and emotions does not make me less faithful.”
“Christ offers freedom, not bondage to fear or control.”
Recognising when the critic voice is actually the residue of spiritual abuse or unhealthy teaching allows Christians to pursue a healthier, grace-filled understanding of themselves and of God’s care.
Is it Really Possible to Worry and Ruminate Less?
Yes, it is possible to reduce worry. While most people will still experience the occasional worrying thought, with the right strategies, more “Healthy Adult” thinking, and a stronger sense of self, it is possible to reach a place where worry no longer robs you of sleep or peace of mind.
Schema Therapy can be especially helpful in this process. Through experiential work such as imagery rescripting and chair work, you can uncover the origins of deeper fears, meet the vulnerable parts of yourself, and provide them with what they truly need. Over time, this helps you respond to yourself with greater compassion, balance, and perspective.
You don’t have to remain stuck in thought loops that steal your confidence and rest. With support, you can learn to pause, soothe what feels anxious within you, and live more fully in the present.
At Refuge Psychology, I offer compassionate support for individuals navigating experiences of coercion in relationships, faith communities, workplaces, and beyond. My work is grounded in both clinical experience and research. I have published research on control in relationships, exploring behaviours commonly associated with coercive control (Walls et al., 2024). My aim is to help clients recognise these dynamics, regain a sense of agency, and move toward healing.
To learn more or to book an appointment, click here:
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References
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