Counselling for Sexual Abuse in Religious Settings
Sexual abuse within a faith or ministry setting is a profound betrayal of trust. When the person who causes harm also holds spiritual authority, the effects can reach deeply into every part of life — emotional, psychological, relational, and spiritual. Survivors often struggle with shame, confusion, and questions about faith, safety, and self-worth. Therapy provides a safe, confidential space to begin understanding what happened and its impact. Healing involves reclaiming your voice, rebuilding safety, and reconnecting with your sense of dignity and meaning.
“You didn’t deserve what happened. Even if no one else believed you. Even if you’re only just starting to believe yourself.”
A Safe and Confidential Space to Begin the Journey Toward Healing from Clergy Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse that occurs in a religious setting—whether in childhood, adolescence, or adulthood—can be particularly disorienting and devastating. The betrayal of trust, spiritual manipulation, and misuse of authority often leave lasting wounds that go far beyond the immediate harm. Many survivors carry profound questions about identity, safety, faith, and whether healing is even possible.
This space offers compassionate, confidential care for those seeking support after experiencing sexual abuse in a religious or spiritually abusive context. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You don’t have to tell your whole story at once. This can be a safe place to begin.
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Survivors of childhood sexual abuse in a religious context (e.g., by clergy, youth leaders, teachers, or within church communities)
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Adults who have experienced clergy sexual misconduct or adult clergy sexual exploitation, even when framed as “consensual”
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People navigating complex grief, shame, anger, or spiritual distress after abuse
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Those who were silenced, disbelieved, or punished for disclosing abuse
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People struggling to reconcile their faith with what happened to them
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Survivors unsure whether what they experienced "counts" as abuse
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Whether your experience was recent or decades ago, you deserve support.
Understanding the Impacts of Clergy Sexual Abuse in Faith Context
Sexual abuse in religious contexts often involves:
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Power imbalances, where victims may feel unable to say no or seek help
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Spiritual grooming, using faith language to manipulate or control
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Betrayal trauma, when a trusted leader or community causes harm
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Silencing, where disclosure is discouraged or minimised to protect reputations
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Internal conflict, especially when the abuser is respected or still in leadership.
Support for sexual abuse in religious contexts is available for the following:
“Over the years, I’ve come to see how deeply spiritual abuse and faith-linked harm can shape a person’s sense of self, their relationships, and even their understanding of hope. These experiences often carry deep complexities, and I approach each story with respect, care, and a commitment to ethical, trauma-informed support.”
Kylie Walls, Psychologist REFUGE PSYCHOLOGY
Frequently Asked Questions about Therapy for Recovery from Clergy Perpetrated Sexual Abuse
I want to seek support for sexual abuse that occured in the church context, but when I consider it I find myself avoiding it, or feeling fearful that I won't be believed or understood. Is this normal?
Clergy sexual abuse is particularly painful because it breaks trust at the deepest levels — emotional, relational, spiritual, and often communal. When harm comes from someone in a position of moral or spiritual authority, the impact is not just personal misconduct; it is a violation of power, trust, and sacred responsibility. The very person who was meant to offer care, guidance, and safety instead used that trust to cause harm.
It is understandable if your mind and body are still trying to make sense of what happened. Healing begins by recognising that responsibility for the harm lies with the person who held more power, not with the one who trusted them.
If it is helpful, you may wish to read more about the role of power, consent, and coercion in pastoral relationships here:
It Wasn’t an Affair or Romance: Understanding Power, Consent, and Coercion in Clergy Sexual Abuse
I’m confused because parts of the relationship felt meaningful or safe at the time. Does that mean it was my fault?
No. This reaction is common and does not mean you invited, wanted, or caused the harm. Clergy abuse often involves grooming — a process where emotional closeness, spiritual intimacy, or pastoral support is slowly shaped into something exploitative. The brain may hold both good and painful memories from the relationship, which can create confusion.
Feeling connected does not equal consent.
Being seen or cared for does not mean you were responsible.
Power imbalance makes true consent impossible.
Your trust was not the problem. Their misuse of power was.
Understanding this process can help reduce shame and self-blame.
This article explains how grooming often looks and feels:
The Sexual Grooming Model
And this provides a deeper step-by-step breakdown:
Adult Clergy Sexual Exploitation – Seven Stages of Grooming
Why do I still feel responsible, guilty, or complicit — even though I know they were the one in power?
Survivors often internalise guilt because:
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The person who harmed them may have framed the relationship as mutual or “special.”
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Religious environments sometimes emphasise self-blame, confession, silence, or submission.
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Trauma can create a felt sense of responsibility even when you know you were not at fault.
Understanding guilt in this context is part of healing.
We work gently to separate what belongs to you from what does not, and to restore compassion for yourself.
This article may help you understand why survivors often internalise responsibility:
The Hidden Harm: Understanding Adult Clergy Sexual Exploitation and the Vulnerabilities of Survivors
I already feel confused about what happened — and it seems like other people don’t believe me, minimise it, or side with the leader. What am I supposed to do with that?
It is deeply disorienting when the person who harmed you is someone you trusted spiritually, emotionally, or relationally. Clergy sexual abuse almost always involves confusion — not because you misunderstood the situation, but because the harm was carried out in a context of trust, spiritual authority, and emotional influence. When your body, your faith, and your relationships were all intertwined with this person, the impact becomes layered and complex.
Then, when you try to make sense of what happened or speak about it, it can feel like the world shifts under your feet again. People may say things like:
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“Maybe it was just a misunderstanding.”
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“They would never do something like that.”
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“Are you sure it wasn’t mutual?”
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“You’re going to ruin their ministry.”
These responses are not about your credibility — they are about their discomfort.
Often, communities protect the image of the leader or institution because acknowledging the abuse would mean confronting something deeply threatening to their identity, belief system, or sense of safety. Your truth may challenge structures that people are emotionally invested in. So instead of responding with care, they respond with denial, minimisation, or silence.
This is called secondary wounding — the harm that happens after the harm.
And it can be as painful — or more painful — than the abuse itself.
Your confusion makes sense. Your pain makes sense. Your story is coherent — even if others are refusing to look at it.
And here is the truth:
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You are allowed to name what happened.
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You are allowed to feel what you feel.
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You are allowed to seek support even if others don’t understand.
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You are not being disloyal or divisive by telling the truth of your own experience.
Your story deserves to be held with care. Your pain deserves to be understood. Your voice deserves to be heard. You do not have to navigate this alone.
To help gently untangle the confusion, you may find this article supportive:
The Hidden Harm: Understanding Adult Clergy Sexual Exploitation and the Vulnerabilities of Survivors
And for a deeper exploration of how power and relational trust shape these dynamics, this may help:
It Wasn’t an Affair or Romance: Understanding Power, Consent, and Coercion in Clergy Sexual Abuse
I feel cut off from God, prayer, or worship now. Is this a normal part of healing?
I don’t want to leave my faith — I just don’t know how to feel safe in church anymore. Can therapy help with that?
Yes. When harm occurs in a spiritual context, the nervous system may associate spiritual practices with threat or shame.
This does not mean your faith is gone — it means your body is trying to protect you.
Healing may involve gently rebuilding spiritual safety over time.
You do not need to abandon your faith to heal.
Depending on your goals and desires, therapy can help you:
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Reconnect with your faith in ways that feel grounding, not triggering
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Discern where and how safety is possible
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Honour your spiritual identity while protecting your emotional wellbeing
How do I understand the difference between consent and coercion when there was a power imbalance?
Consent is not possible when one person holds spiritual authority, emotional authority, or pastoral influence over another.
This article explores that distinction in depth:
It Wasn’t an Affair or Romance: Understanding Power, Consent, and Coercion in Clergy Sexual Abuse
What if this happened years or decades ago, and it is still affecting me? Can you help?
Yes. It is extremely common for survivors of clergy sexual abuse or exploitation to only fully recognise the harm years or even decades later. This delay is not a failure on your part—it is a protective response that allowed you to survive something overwhelming at the time.
When abuse occurs in a church or ministry context, it is often wrapped up in:
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Trust
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Spiritual connection
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Pastoral guidance
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Emotional intimacy
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A sense of belonging or calling
Because of this, your mind and body may not have been able to process what happened at the time. Instead, they did what they needed to do to keep going, they protected you. They kept the unbearable parts out of full awareness until there was enough distance, safety, support, or maturity to begin making sense of it.
This is why so many survivors describe moments like:
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“I didn’t have the words back then.”
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“I thought I was the only one.”
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“I didn’t understand it was abuse until later.”
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“I’ve only just realised the impact this has had on my life.”
This is not denial.
This is trauma wisdom.
Your nervous system reveals truth slowly, at a pace that protects you.
Why does it feel like it’s affecting me even now?
Because trauma is not stored as a story—it is stored in the body, in the nervous system, and in your sense of self and safety.
Even if your mind tried to move on, your body may still be carrying:
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Shame
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Hypervigilance
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Avoidance
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Numbness
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Confusion
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Startle responses
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Difficulty with trust
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Patterns of self-doubt or self-blame
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Challenges in intimacy or vulnerability
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Spiritual disconnection or grief
This does not mean you are broken. It means the harm was real, even if unspoken.
You may find this article helpful in understanding why survivors often recognise the abuse later in life:
The Hidden Harm: Understanding Adult Clergy Sexual Exploitation and the Vulnerabilities of Survivors
And for how this can develop into trauma symptoms over time:
Adult Clergy Sexual Abuse and PTSD: When Trust Turns into Trauma
What if the relationship was “emotional closeness” or blurred boundaries rather than physical contact? Does this still count as abuse?
Yes. Abuse does not require sexual touch.
When a leader cultivates emotional dependency, secrecy, pastoral intimacy, or spiritual authority to create emotional dependency, or for personal or sexualised connection, it is exploitation.
Clergy sexual abuse often does not begin with overt sexual behaviour. In many cases, the harm begins with subtle shifts in emotional, relational, or spiritual boundaries that feel caring, special, or deeply meaningful at first. These shifts can be slow, almost gradual enough to feel natural, which is part of what makes them confusing and hard to identify in the moment. This is referred to as grooming.
Boundary blurring may look like:
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Excessive emotional closeness — where the leader begins sharing personal struggles, vulnerabilities, or marital issues that create a sense of intimacy or mutuality. They may say "just keep coming back and talking to me about it", or "you can talk to me about anything". They may be extra attuned to your feelings and open to listening to you than you are used to.
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Creating situations where excessive time is spent together.
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Private communication — late-night messages, personal disclosures, or ongoing contact outside pastoral or ministry contexts.
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Preferential attention or “special treatment” — being singled out as someone the leader “connects with more deeply” or “feels spiritually led to invest in.” An growing awareness that you are getting more attention than most others people in the congregation.
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Spiritual language used to frame closeness — such as “God brought us together in this work,” “Our connection is sacred,” or “I have never met anyone who understands my ministry like you do.”
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Increasing secrecy or confidentiality — being told not to share certain conversations or interactions because “others wouldn’t understand.” Being invited to "just keep coming and talking to me about it".
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Offering to meet you at places other than where they typically meet people, such as at your home when you are alone, or somewhere away from the church.
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Touch that begins as “innocent” — a hand on the back, extra-long hugs, touch during prayer, or physical closeness that feels emotionally charged. You may notice that this is increasing over time.
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They may share things about themselves that feel personal, and create a sense that a trusting relationship is developing.
None of these moments, on their own, necessarily constitute “abuse.”
They often feel like being trusted, chosen, valued, or seen. For a while, they may fill a void, and lead to you feeling truly cared for.
That is why survivors often describe the early stages of the relationship with warmth, gratitude, or genuine connection. These feelings are not the problem — they are the very emotions the leader then misused.
So why can boundary blurring feel distressing later, even if explicit sexual contact did not occur because one or both of us withdrew?
Because, over time, these blurred boundaries can:
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Create emotional dependency, which leads to guilt and confusion.
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Lead to a feeling that they participated in an "emotional affair".
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Confuse spiritual intimacy with relational or romantic attachment. Which can impact on spiritual formation moving forwards.
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Lead to a felt sense that “I owed them something”, which may have led to being exploited in other ways (e.g., serving beyond your capacity).
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Make it difficult to say no, step back, or see the situation clearly
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Shape the belief that “I must have wanted this” or “I participated”, creating more sense of guilt.
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Leave someone wondering if they "just imagined it", and confused becuase they experienced exploitation without the ability to name it clearly.
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Some notice the same leader acting inappropraitely towards others, and their experience means that it is more difficult for them to remain silent. They may speak up and feel unheard, or they may stay silent and feel complicit in others abuse.
Ultimately, when a pastor engages in grooming behaviours, even if it does not involve sexual contact, it can lead to:
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Grief
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Shock
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Anger
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Shame
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Confusion
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Loss of trust in oneself
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Disruption of spiritual identity or belonging
The distress comes from realising that your trust, openness, and care were used in a way that never should have happened.
This article explores that emotional complexity gently:
Unmasking Adult Clergy Sexual Abuse
To understand the grooming process in more detail, you may find this helpful:
and
Adult Clergy Sexual Exploitation – Seven Stages of Grooming
