Faith, Trust, and Control: Making Sense of Spiritual Abuse

Introduction

Faith communities can offer profound comfort, meaning, and belonging. They can nurture purpose, deepen compassion, and remind us that we are not alone. Yet for some, the same spaces that once felt sacred become places of confusion, fear, and deep emotional harm. When faith is distorted and used to control, manipulate, or shame, the result can be devastating — not only psychologically, but spiritually.

In recent years, spiritual abuse has become increasingly recognised by researchers, psychologists, and faith leaders as a serious form of harm. Yet many survivors struggle to name or make sense of their experience. Was it simply “a difficult church”? A controlling leader? Or something more?

This article explores what spiritual abuse is, how it impacts both faith and mental health, and how survivors — and those who support them — can begin to move toward healing and safety.

What Is Spiritual Abuse?

While definitions vary, most share a common theme: spiritual abuse is the misuse of power in a spiritual or religious context. Dr Lisa Oakley and Dr Kathryn Kinmond, who have led some of the most significant research on this issue in the UK, describe spiritual abuse as:

“Coercion and control of one individual by another in a spiritual context. The target experiences spiritual abuse as a deeply emotional personal attack. This may include manipulation, exploitation, enforced accountability, censorship of decision-making, requirements for secrecy and silence, misuse of scripture or the pulpit to control behaviour, and the suggestion that the abuser has a ‘divine’ position.” (Oakley & Kinmond, 2013, p. 25)

In later research, Oakley, Kinmond, and Humphreys (2018) refined this further, defining spiritual abuse as:

“A form of emotional and psychological abuse characterised by a systematic pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour in a religious context... including manipulation, exploitation, coercion to conform, and control through the use of sacred texts or teachings.”

In Oakley and Kinmond’s early research (1), participants described spiritual abuse as a “deeply personal attack” that distorted their understanding of God and self. Unlike overt forms of abuse, it often occurs within trusted relationships — between clergy and parishioners, spiritual mentors and disciples, or within tightly knit communities where questioning authority is discouraged.

Key features include:

• Manipulation of belief or scripture to enforce obedience or conformity.

• Isolation from family, friends, or other sources of support.

• Spiritualised blame, where suffering or dissent is framed as lack of faith.

• Pressure to remain silent under the guise of unity, forgiveness, or submission.

  
  

While many survivors recognise the harm only after leaving the environment, the emotional and theological confusion can linger for years.

Spiritual abuse is not limited to sexual or physical acts — though these may occur alongside it.

It is primarily psychological and emotional abuse, often invisible and hard to articulate. It distorts trust, autonomy, and a person’s relationship with God, leaving lasting harm.

2. A Hidden Form of Trauma

Recent studies have begun to map the psychological toll of religious and spiritual (r/s) abuse. Murphy (3) found that higher severity of r/s abuse is associated with increased complex post-traumatic stress symptoms (CPTSD) and lower wellbeing, reflecting not only emotional injury but deep existential disruption.

Survivors often describe feeling:

• Fear of divine punishment or rejection.

• Intense guilt and shame.

• Difficulty trusting themselves, others, or God.

• Loss of spiritual coping mechanisms that once provided meaning and comfort.

  
  

A scoping review by Durkin et al. (4) found that spiritual harm in clergy abuse contexts involves profound rupture — a feeling of being cut off from God, betrayed by a faith community, and stripped of spiritual identity. This separation can lead to despair, anxiety, and moral confusion, as survivors struggle to reconcile belief with lived experience.

Importantly, spiritual abuse does not always involve overt sexual or physical harm. It can occur purely through psychological or theological manipulation — where faith becomes weaponised against the believer.

3. The Role of Power and Trust

Spiritual abuse is fundamentally an abuse of power. It relies on the authority and trust inherent in faith-based relationships. Clergy, ministry leaders, and mentors often hold sacred influence — not just over people’s behaviour, but their sense of meaning, morality, and eternal worth.

When that power is misused, the harm is amplified. Survivors may question their ability to discern truth, fear divine retribution, or internalise the abuser’s voice as God’s.

Oakley and Kinmond’s later work (2) found that misuse of power in spiritual contexts can take many forms:

• “Divine rationale” — claiming God’s endorsement for harmful behaviour.

• Sacred texts as tools of control — used selectively to silence or shame.

• Enforced secrecy and obedience — justified as spiritual discipline.

These dynamics mirror patterns of coercive control seen in domestic and family violence, yet carry unique theological weight. As one survivor reflected in research, “It wasn’t just my pastor’s approval I feared losing — it felt like losing God Himself.”

Healthy faith communities encourage growth, humility, and compassion. They recognise human limitation and the shared pursuit of truth. In contrast, spiritually abusive systems often redefine trust — asking members to substitute their personal discernment for obedience to an authority figure or institution.

Passages about submission, accountability, or unity are sometimes twisted to demand silence or conformity (Oakley & Kinmond, 2014). Those who question leadership may be labelled “rebellious” or “lacking faith.” Over time, individuals learn to distrust their own judgement, emotions, or spiritual intuition.

This manipulation is powerful precisely because it intertwines psychological coercion with theological authority. When an abuser claims divine sanction — “God told me,” “You are out of God’s will,” “Touch not the Lord’s anointed” — resistance can feel like resisting God. The victim’s very conscience is weaponised against them.

Why Spiritual Abuse is Hard to Name

Many survivors of spiritual abuse and religious trauma struggle to label their experiences as abuse. Faith traditions often emphasise forgiveness, humility, and submission — values that can be twisted into silence. Those harmed may fear damaging the reputation of the church, being labelled divisive, or even losing their spiritual community.

In an earlier study, Oakley and Kinmond (5) found that over 70% of respondents felt manipulated in a church setting at least sometimes, and 74% reported feeling “damaged” by church experiences. Yet many did not know where to turn for help, and few churches had clear safeguarding policies addressing spiritual abuse.

For some, the internal conflict runs deep: they want to hold onto their faith while rejecting what was done in its name. This tension can lead to avoidance of all religious spaces, difficulty praying, or an ongoing sense of spiritual emptiness.

How It Happens: Subtle and Systemic Dynamics

Spiritual abuse can take many forms. It may occur in:

• Clergy–congregant relationships, where pastoral care becomes coercive, controlling, or sexually exploitative.

• Faith-based organisations or ministries, where loyalty to leadership overrides moral accountability.

• Families or small groups, where one person claims spiritual authority over others.

• High-control churches, where rigid hierarchies, isolation, and fear-based teaching suppress independent thought.

  
  

Oakley and Kinmond’s (2014) survey of over 500 churchgoers found that:

• 74% reported feeling “damaged” by a church experience,

• 84% had felt manipulated at some point, and

• nearly half had seen scripture used to control behaviour.

These numbers reveal not isolated incidents, but a pattern of spiritual cultures where coercion becomes normalised — even sanctified.

The Spiritual Dimension of Harm

When abuse occurs in a faith setting, the wound cuts to the deepest part of identity. Survivors describe feeling cut off from God, betrayed by faith, or spiritually abandoned.

A recent systematic review by Durkin et al. (2025) found that survivors of clergy sexual abuse often experienced “a devastation of the spiritual aspects of the person” — feeling that God had violated or abandoned them, or that their sacred worldview had been shattered. Although that study focused on sexual abuse, similar dynamics are present in other forms of spiritual harm:

• loss of trust in spiritual leaders or communities,

• fear or guilt when engaging in prayer or worship,

• a sense that sacred practices (like communion or confession) have become contaminated,

• moral confusion or theological despair.

  
  

As Guido (2020) notes, when harm is perpetrated by someone seen as representing God, the abuse is often experienced as an attack on the soul — an “assault on meaning itself.”

The Psychological and Emotional Toll

Spiritual abuse is not just a theological issue — it is also a psychological trauma. Survivors frequently experience symptoms akin to post-traumatic stress:

• anxiety, panic, or hypervigilance (especially around church settings),

• depression, grief, or numbness,

• intrusive memories or spiritual triggers (e.g., hymns, verses, or prayers),

• shame, self-blame, and confusion about faith identity,

• difficulty trusting others, especially authority figures.

  
  

Durkin et al. (2025) identified these as part of what they called “Spiritual Harm” — a condition binding together spiritual, emotional, and psychological components. Survivors often describe the spiritual pain as the most profound, surpassing even the emotional suffering.

One survivor quoted by Doyle (2008) put it poignantly:

“The impact on the soul is often subtle and grows more painful and debilitating as time passes. Many survivors have said that this spiritual pain has been worse than the emotional pain.”

When the Church Fails to Respond

Disclosure is often fraught with risk. Research consistently shows that survivors who report abuse within church settings are frequently disbelieved, dismissed, or spiritually gaslighted (Durkin et al., 2025). Some are told to forgive and move on; others are accused of damaging the church’s reputation or causing division.

This secondary harm — being silenced or invalidated — can be as traumatic as the original abuse. It reinforces the sense that God’s representatives care more about protecting the institution than about justice or healing. Psychologists call the institutional harm.

Effective safeguarding requires more than policies on paper. It demands humility, awareness of power, and the willingness to listen without defensiveness. As Oakley et al. (2018) emphasise, any credible safeguarding framework must address psychological and emotional abuse in faith contexts, not just sexual or physical harm.

Understanding Coercive Control in Faith Contexts

Coercive control is now widely recognised in domestic abuse law (Home Office, 2015), but its relevance to spiritual abuse is only beginning to be understood. Like domestic coercion, spiritual coercion involves systematic domination — limiting autonomy, instilling fear, and shaping perception through psychological tactics.

In a religious setting, this control may appear as:

• Isolation from outside influences or “worldly” relationships.

• Information control, such as restricting reading or teaching alternative views.

• Behavioural control, dictating how one dresses, prays, or spends time.

• Emotional manipulation, using guilt, fear, or divine disapproval to ensure compliance.

  
  

These mechanisms mirror the dynamics of coercive control, but they are reinforced by spiritual authority. The abuser’s power is magnified by invoking the ultimate moral and existential stakes: obedience equated with faithfulness, dissent equated with sin.

For Pastors and Leaders: Reflecting on Power and Practice

Not all misuse of authority is intentional or malicious. Many pastors or ministry leaders operate within inherited systems where spiritual hierarchy, accountability, and obedience are valued but not critically examined.

Research by Oakley and Kinmond (2014) identified several theological “danger zones” that can be subtly distorted in abusive systems:

• Obedience – when it becomes unquestioning submission rather than mutual accountability.

• Unity – when disagreement is silenced for fear of “causing division.”

• Accountability – when it shifts from voluntary transparency to compulsory disclosure.

• Divine authority – when leaders view themselves as uniquely anointed or beyond correction.

  
  

Healthy leadership requires reflexivity — the ability to ask:

“Is my teaching producing freedom or fear? Am I inviting people into maturity, or into dependency on me?”

Church leaders who wish to safeguard others must also seek supervision, peer accountability, and trauma-informed training. As Oakley and Kinmond (2014) propose, effective practice involves five principles summarised by the acronym ESSTA: Empowerment, Supervision, Support, Training, and Awareness.

For Survivors: Reclaiming Agency and Faith

Healing from spiritual abuse is complex. It involves rebuilding not only trust in others but also trust in your own inner voice, and your sense of spiritual discernment that may have been silenced.

Therapy can help survivors:

• Reconnect with and understand their emotional and bodily cues. They may be experiencing hypervigilance associated with trauma, or some do not feel comfortable trusting their own instincts.

• Process grief, anger, and betrayal.

• Explore the difference between healthy faith and internalised coercion and examine this in relation to their own experience.

• Redefine spirituality in a way that feels safe, free, and life-giving.

  
  

Importantly, therapy does not replace faith. A faith-sensitive psychologist helps individuals discern which beliefs and practices are healing, and which may stem from trauma or distorted teaching. Survivors are supported to rebuild their relationship with God — if they wish — on their own terms, at their own pace.

As one survivor described it:

“I didn’t lose my faith. I lost my fear. I realised faith could exist without control.”

A Path Toward Hope

The reality of spiritual abuse can be confronting for both survivors and faith communities. Yet acknowledging it is an act of courage — and a step toward redemption. The Church’s credibility and witness depend on its ability to tell the truth about harm and to seek justice with humility.

For survivors, healing is possible. The process may involve anger, grief, or even long periods of disconnection from faith. But over time, many rediscover a quieter, more grounded spirituality — one rooted not in fear or control, but in grace.

As the late theologian Henri Nouwen wrote, “Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful parts of us.” The journey of healing from spiritual abuse, though painful, can become one of reclaiming both faith and self, not as competing realities, but as companions on the path toward wholeness.

Seeking Support

If you have experienced spiritual abuse, you are not alone. Compassionate, faith-sensitive support is available.

You can book an appointment with Refuge Psychology for trauma-informed therapy with psychologist Kylie Walls that honours your experiences and your faith journey:👉 Book online

Book a Session

Therapy offers a confidential space to explore your story, make sense of what happened, and begin to rebuild trust — in yourself, in others, and perhaps, in time, in your faith.

If you have experienced abuse by someone in a position of spiritual authority, you are not alone. If you are experiencing immediate distress, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

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References (APA 7th ed.)

• Department of Health. (2014). Care and support statutory guidance.

• Durkin, J., Zordan, R., Bullen, M., Pavich, N., Thomas, P. T. B., Lethborg, C., Holder, W., Jolly, M., Dreise, D., & Fleming, D. (2025). The impact of clergy sexual abuse on spirituality and health: A systematic scoping review of the literature. PLOS ONE, 20(4), e0317821.

• Doyle, T. (2008). The spiritual trauma experienced by victims of sexual abuse by Catholic clergy. Journal of Religion and Abuse, 9(3), 239–252.

• Home Office. (2015). Controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship.

• Oakley, L., & Kinmond, K. (2013). Developing safeguarding policy and practice for spiritual abuse. The Journal of Adult Protection, 16(2), 87–95.

• Oakley, L., & Kinmond, K. (2014). Spiritual abuse in Christian faith settings: Definition, policy and practice guidance. The Journal of Adult Protection, 20(3/4), 144–154.

• Oakley, L., Kinmond, K., & Humphreys, J. (2018). Safeguarding adults in the faith context. The Journal of Adult Protection, 20(3/4), 144–154.

• Stark, E. (2007). Coercive control: How men entrap women in personal life. Oxford University Press.

• West, M. (2011). Spiritual abuse and its impact on well-being. Australian Journal of Pastoral Studies, 25(1), 1–12.