When Silence Hurts: Creating Safe Spaces for Honest Mental Health Struggles in Faith Communities and Churches

Two women seeking mental health support in a church

Introduction: The Unspoken Weight of Struggle

Faith communities are often places of comfort and belonging — spaces where people gather to worship, share life, and find hope in something greater than themselves. Yet, for some, these same spaces can also become places of quiet suffering. When conversations about mental and emotional pain are met with silence, uncertainty, or spiritual explanations alone, individuals can begin to feel unseen or misunderstood.

Silence is not always intentional. Often, it grows from genuine care combined with a lack of understanding. People may fear saying the wrong thing or may believe that acknowledging mental distress could signal weak faith. But when silence replaces compassion, the result can be isolation — a sense that faith is incompatible with struggle.

This article explores how faith communities can move beyond silence to create safe spaces where people can speak openly about emotional and psychological pain. Drawing on both psychological research and insights from theology, it invites reflection on how understanding and compassion can coexist with spiritual belief.

1. Faith and Mental Health: A Complex Relationship

Research consistently shows that spirituality and faith can contribute significantly to wellbeing. People who are active in their faith communities often report higher levels of hope, meaning, and resilience in times of hardship (1). Prayer, worship, and belonging can strengthen emotional health and buffer against loneliness and despair (2).

At the same time, experiences of mental distress can be difficult to reconcile with faith. For those who hold deeply spiritual worldviews, suffering may raise questions about divine purpose, faithfulness, and personal worth. Some may wonder, “If I believe, why am I still struggling?” or “Does this mean my faith isn’t strong enough?”

Qualitative studies among Christians have found that when distress is framed only in spiritual terms — for instance, as a sign of weak faith or demonic attack — individuals can experience shame or self-blame (3). However, when communities approach mental health through both a faith-informed and psychologically informed lens, people are more likely to seek help early and experience better outcomes (4).

2. The Hidden Cost of Silence

In many congregations, conversations about mental health are still rare. People often share physical health updates — prayer requests for surgeries or illnesses — but emotional pain is less visible. This silence can be unintentional yet deeply felt.

Members who experience depression, anxiety, trauma, or other conditions may feel pressure to “hold it together” in church spaces. They might smile through services while privately battling despair. The dissonance between inner experience and outward expectation can increase feelings of shame and disconnect.

Dr Christopher Lloyd’s 2023 qualitative metasynthesis of Christians living with mental illness found that many participants described feeling excluded or misunderstood when their struggles were spiritualised or dismissed (5). Some were told they needed to “pray harder” or “trust God more.” Others felt they could not safely disclose their symptoms for fear of being judged or seen as spiritually deficient.

Silence, in this sense, is not neutral. When churches avoid talking about emotional pain, they unintentionally communicate that faith has no room for it. Yet, throughout sacred texts and spiritual traditions, struggle and lament are central parts of the human experience.

3. Why Language Matters: Promoting Emotional Safety in Faith Communities and Churches

Creating mentally healthy communities begins with language. The way faith leaders and members talk about emotional suffering profoundly shapes whether people feel safe to share.

Instead of framing distress as a moral failure or spiritual weakness, compassionate language acknowledges pain as part of the human condition. It recognises that biological, psychological, relational, and spiritual factors all play a role in wellbeing.

For example, saying “We’re here to walk with you through this” communicates belonging and support, while “You just need to have more faith” may imply judgment. Compassionate communication validates both faith and feeling — affirming that a person can love God (or seek spiritual meaning) and still need psychological support.

Faith traditions have long emphasised empathy, mercy, and the call to bear one another’s burdens. These values align closely with modern psychological understandings of emotional safety and belonging. Communities that embody this kind of compassion provide powerful protection against despair.

4. The Role of Faith Leaders in supporting parishioners with Mental Health Challenges

Faith leaders occupy a unique position of influence. Their attitudes toward mental health can shape the tone of an entire congregation. When leaders speak openly about mental wellbeing — from the pulpit, in small groups, or pastoral conversations — they normalise help-seeking and model vulnerability.

Research suggests that when pastors and clergy receive even brief mental health training, their confidence in responding to emotional crises increases significantly (6). They are more likely to identify signs of distress early and refer appropriately to mental health professionals.

Faith leaders are not expected to replace therapists, but they can serve as important bridges — offering spiritual care while partnering with psychologists, counsellors, and doctors to ensure holistic support. This integrated approach honours both faith and science, reflecting a shared goal: the restoration of hope and wholeness.

Leaders can also cultivate structures that support wellbeing: confidential listening teams, prayer or support groups co-facilitated with mental health professionals, and teaching that affirms mental health as part of whole-person care.

5. Building a Culture of Belonging in Faith Communities

Belonging is central to both spiritual and psychological health. When people feel accepted as they are — not only when they are “okay” — they can begin to heal.

Faith communities can intentionally foster belonging by:

• Encouraging authentic connection: Small groups that allow space for honest conversations without pressure to give solutions.

• Sharing personal stories: Testimonies of people who have navigated depression or anxiety while maintaining faith can be profoundly validating.

• Educating congregations: Workshops or sermons that include accurate information about mental health, trauma, and recovery help dismantle misconceptions.

• Partnering with professionals: Collaborations between psychologists and churches can provide safe, evidence-based care that respects spiritual values.

  
  

As Lloyd and colleagues (2022) note, congregations that promote acceptance and inclusion see stronger social bonds and more positive mental health outcomes (7). When people experience their church as a safe community rather than a performance space, the burden of silence begins to lift.

6. The Danger of Over-Spiritualising Suffering

While prayer, scripture, and spiritual practices can be deeply healing, they may become painful when framed as the only acceptable response to distress. Over-spiritualising emotional suffering can unintentionally suggest that mental health challenges are a sign of personal failure or lack of faith. In some settings, mental illness may even be interpreted as spiritual oppression or demonic influence — a belief that can be deeply distressing, stigmatising, and harmful.

This tendency to over-spiritualise, sometimes called spiritual reductionism (8) — can discourage people from seeking professional help and increase shame when healing does not occur through prayer alone. A balanced approach recognises that God (or the divine, in broader faith contexts) can work through many avenues: medicine, therapy, community, and care.

Encouraging parishioners and church members to seek appropriate professional support does not undermine faith. Seeking help is an act of stewardship — caring for the mind and body entrusted to us.

7. Integrating Faith and Psychology in a way that feels Comfortable

Some people of faith hold a view the psychological principles are contrary to scripture and faith. However, faith and psychology do not need to exist in tension. Both seek understanding, restoration, and growth. Psychology offers tools for understanding human emotion and behaviour, and faith offers frameworks of meaning, hope, and purpose.

Integrative care acknowledges that a person’s beliefs shape how they interpret and cope with distress. For people of faith, therapy that honours and respects their spirituality can feel safer and more effective (9).

Psychologists hold a value of being culturally sensitive, and faith-sensitive work will respect each individual’s belief system — exploring how spiritual practices can strengthen resilience while gently addressing any beliefs that may inadvertently reinforce guilt or despair.

For example, in cognitive-behavioural or schema therapy, unhelpful beliefs such as “I must never feel weak” , "God must be punishing me", or “Struggling means I’ve failed spiritually” can be reframed into compassionate truths: “Everyone faces pain; faith invites honesty, not perfection.”

8. Practical Steps for Churches

Building a mentally healthy faith community involves intentional action. Below are some evidence-informed strategies:

1. Acknowledge mental health publicly. Include it in sermons, newsletters, or small-group discussions. Normalising the topic reduces fear. Aim to communicate in ways that reduces stigma and encourages people to seek support.

2. Provide referral pathways. Display or provide contact details for local counsellors, psychologists, and crisis lines.

3. Offer pastoral care training. Equip leaders and volunteers with basic listening and mental health first aid skills. When needed, link them to appropriate support.

4. Collaborate with professionals. Invite faith-sensitive practitioners to deliver workshops to help reduce mental health stigma in the church.

5. Model vulnerability. When leaders share their own experiences of stress or counselling, it dismantles shame.

6. Create inclusive worship and service opportunities. Allow flexibility in participation for those living with fatigue, anxiety, or trauma.

7. Integrate prayer with care. Combine spiritual practices with practical supports — meals, visits, or connection to resources.

   
   

These steps help communities embody compassion in action — transforming church spaces into refuges for the weary and hopeful alike.

9. Creating Mentally Healthy Church Communities Through Honest Conversation

It takes courage to speak about pain in a place that is meant to be safe. It also takes courage for faith leaders to acknowledge that faith practices alone may not address every aspect of mental suffering. But this kind of honesty reflects strength, not weakness.

When communities replace silence with understanding, they reflect the heart of compassion found in their faith traditions — whether expressed through the language of grace, mercy, or loving-kindness.

Creating a mentally healthy church community involves being willing to listen, learn, and walk alongside those who suffer.

Invitation to Seek Psychological Support

If you’ve been struggling in silence, or if faith has become tangled with feelings of guilt, exhaustion, or despair, know that support is available. Refuge Psychology provides compassionate, confidential care that respects your faith and your story.

You can book an appointment here: Book a session.

Book a Session

References

1. Koenig, H. G. (2012). Religion, spirituality, and health: The research and clinical implications. ISRN Psychiatry.

2. Bonelli, R. & Koenig, H. (2013). Mental disorders, religion and spirituality: A review of the literature. Depression Research and Treatment.

3. Lloyd, C. & Waller, L. (2020). Spiritual reductionism and mental illness in Christian communities.

4. Govender, R., et al. (2023). Faith-based help-seeking and mental health outcomes.

5. Lloyd, C. E. M., Cathcart, J., Panagopoulos, M., & Reid, G. (2023). The experiences of faith and church community among Christian adults with mental illness: A qualitative metasynthesis. Psychology of Religion and Spirituality.

6. Stanford, M. (2007). Helping clergy respond to mental illness in congregations.

7. Lloyd & Hutchinson (2022). Mental distress and help-seeking in evangelical Christian communities.

8. Lloyd, C. (2021). Spiritual reductionism and the lived experience of Christians with mental distress.

9. Pargament, K. I., & Raiya, H. A. (2007). A decade of research on the psychology of religion and coping.

   
   

Disclaimer

Any stories or examples provided are an example only and do not describe a specific client, person or event. Some of the information we provide on our website may be information related to health and medical issues, but it's not meant to be health and medical “advice”. We provide this information for your general use only. While we try to provide accurate information, it may be historical, incomplete information or based on opinions that aren't widely held. Your personal situation has not been considered when providing the information, so any reliance on this information is at your sole risk. We recommend seeking independent professional advice before relying on the information we provide.Find the full terms of service here: Terms of Service | Curated Mind Psych.