Online Therapy with a psychologist for those recovering from Coercive Control

Yes. If you have a current Mental Health Treatment Plan from your GP, you may be eligible to receive a Medicare rebate for up to 10 individual psychology sessions per calendar year. These rebates help reduce the out-of-pocket cost for each session. You’ll need to provide a copy of your referral letter and MHTP prior to your first appointment.

Although there are some presentations that I cannot safely treat online, I work with individuals experiencing a range of mental health concerns, from mild anxiety or low mood through to more complex challenges such as PTSD, dissociation, religious trauma, and OCD. If your presentation is more complex, I will work collaboratively with your broader care team (e.g., psychiatrist, GP, or support worker) where appropriate, to ensure you receive safe and effective care.
Online therapy is offered as long as it is deemed clinically appropriate and safe for your specific needs.

Yes. Research shows that online therapy can be just as effective as face-to-face sessions for a wide range of concerns, including depression, anxiety, trauma, and relationship issues. It also offers convenience, privacy, and access to support regardless of location. All sessions are conducted via a secure telehealth platform.

My understanding of coercive control is informed by both research and clinical experience. My research examined patterns of control in intimate relationships, exploring how coercive dynamics can develop gradually through emotional manipulation, psychological dominance, and the erosion of a person’s autonomy and sense of self.

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Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour—rather than a single incident—through which one person seeks to dominate another. It may involve intimidation, isolation, surveillance, degradation, or the misuse of affection and care. The aim is not only to control what someone does, but to shape how they think, feel, and see themselves. Over time, this control can leave a person feeling trapped, confused, and fearful of making independent choices.

While coercive control is most commonly discussed in the context of intimate partner relationships, it also occurs in families (for example, controlling or emotionally abusive parent–child dynamics or elder abuse), workplaces (through misuse of power, threats, or psychological intimidation), and faith communities or high-control groups and cults, where authority and belief may be manipulated to maintain compliance or silence dissent.

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Across all these contexts, coercive control functions through the same underlying mechanisms—fear, confusion, dependency, and loss of agency—and can have lasting psychological and relational impacts. My approach to understanding and responding to coercive control is trauma-informed, ethically grounded, and attentive to both individual recovery and the broader systems that enable such dynamics to persist.

My background includes both research and professional practice in the area of domestic and family violence. My research examined patterns of control in intimate relationships, including the ways coercive control and other forms of abuse affect every aspect of a person’s life.

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Professionally, I have worked as a Domestic and Family Violence Advisor, supporting spiritual leaders, schools, and NGOs to respond safely and effectively to disclosures of abuse. This has included helping communities and organisations navigate the complex dynamics of domestic violence, and providing guidance on safe responses for both adults and children.

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I have also developed domestic and family violence policies and procedures for a large Christian organisation. This involved working to ensure that the policies were trauma-informed, aligned with best practice, and sensitive to the unique challenges that can arise in faith contexts.

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Together, this experience enables me to offer both individual therapeutic support and an informed understanding of the broader systems that impact survivors of domestic and family violence. I also have a good knowledge of broarder supports that are available to survivors and their children when they are recovering from domestic and family violence. 

Coercive control can be difficult to recognise—especially when it develops slowly over time or is disguised as love, concern, or spiritual or moral guidance. Many people only begin to identify it when they notice that they no longer feel free to think, act, or express themselves without fear of the other person’s reaction.

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You may be experiencing coercive control if someone in your life consistently:

• Monitors or restricts your movements, social contacts, money, or communication.

• Uses guilt, fear, or obligation to make you comply or stay silent.

• Twists your words or experiences (gaslighting) so you doubt your own judgment.

• Isolates you from friends, family, or sources of support.

• Punishes or withdraws affection when you assert independence or disagree.

• Uses religion, authority, or moral arguments to justify control or to shame you into obedience.

• Makes you feel responsible for their emotions, anger, or wellbeing.

In a healthy relationship—whether personal, family, work, or faith-based—you can express opinions safely, make choices freely, and feel respected even when you disagree. Coercive control replaces that safety with fear, confusion, and a growing sense of walking on eggshells.

Because coercive control can occur in many settings—including intimate partnerships, families, workplaces, or faith communities—it’s important to trust your own sense that something feels “off.” Sometimes people around you may express concern, which may be a sign that they see things in your relationship that are not healthy. However, you cannot always rely on others to confirm your fears, as no-one understands your experience in a relationship the same way that you do. If you find yourself questioning whether your situation is normal or safe, that uncertainty itself can be a sign that control or manipulation is taking place.

You don’t have to work it out alone. Speaking with a psychologist or counsellor experienced in trauma and relational dynamics can help you make sense of what’s happening and begin to regain clarity and confidence.

Safety is always the top priority, and if you have any concerns for your safety, you can request a confidential phone call to discuss your situation prior to booking so you can discuss these concerns. Together we can discuss strategies to ensure confidentiality and minimise risks, such as using headphones, a separate e-mail address, or secure devices. 

If you have immediate concerns for your safety at any times please call 000. 

Many people of faith who experience domestic violence struggle deeply with this question. As a psychologist, I don’t provide theological answers, but I do see how these concerns can weigh heavily on a person’s emotional wellbeing and sense of safety. For some, beliefs around divorce can create guilt, shame, or fear that make it harder to seek help.

While I cannot speak as a theologian, it may be reassuring to know that most faith leaders today emphasise that God’s heart is for love, protection, and justice, and they do not see leaving an abusive relationship as a failure of faith. If this is something you want to explore further, I encourage seeking input from safe and trusted faith leaders alongside psychological support.

Therapy can provide a safe place to explore these feelings, understand how abuse may distort spiritual teachings, and work toward decisions that prioritise safety and dignity. I am able to support Christians seeking Christian counselling for domestic violence, and help you to process the emotional and spiritual impact, separate harmful distortions from life-giving faith, and take steps toward healing, safety, and renewed hope.

This is an important and complex question. As a psychologist, my role is not to decide for you but to support you in carefully considering your options. A key focus in therapy will always be your safety, and the safety of any children and other people living in the home. We can work together on risk assessment — looking at whether your partner’s behaviours have genuinely shifted or whether old patterns may still be present.

Therapy can also help you:

• Understand patterns common in abuse — for example, how promises of change may be part of a cycle, and what sustained behavioural change looks like.

• Evaluate behaviour rather than words — recognising that genuine change is shown through consistent, safe, and respectful actions over time.

• Clarify your boundaries and non-negotiables — what needs to be different for you to feel safe and respected.

• Process the impact of past abuse — understanding how trauma may affect your feelings, decision-making, and ability to trust again.

The decision about reconciliation is deeply personal, but it should never come at the cost of your safety or wellbeing, or that of those in your care. Therapy provides a structured, supportive space where you can reflect on risks and possibilities, strengthen your sense of agency, and make informed choices that align with your values and protect your future.

This is an important and complex question. As a psychologist, my role is not to decide for you but to support you in carefully considering your options. A key focus in therapy will always be your safety, and the safety of any children and other people living in the home. We can work together on risk assessment — looking at whether your partner’s behaviours have genuinely shifted or whether old patterns may still be present.

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Therapy can also help you:

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• Understand patterns common in abuse — for example, how promises of change may be part of a cycle, and what sustained behavioural change looks like.

• Evaluate behaviour rather than words — recognising that genuine change is shown through consistent, safe, and respectful actions over time.

• Clarify your boundaries and non-negotiables — what needs to be different for you to feel safe and respected.

• Process the impact of past abuse — understanding how trauma may affect your feelings, decision-making, and ability to trust again.

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The decision about reconciliation is deeply personal, but it should never come at the cost of your safety or wellbeing, or that of those in your care. Therapy provides a structured, supportive space where you can reflect on risks and possibilities, strengthen your sense of agency, and make informed choices that align with your values and protect your future.

Yes. Many adults only recognise later in life that what they experienced as children or teenagers was a form of coercive control — a persistent pattern of domination, fear, or manipulation within the family. This realisation can bring a complex mix of emotions: grief for the childhood that felt unsafe, anger or confusion about the behaviour of caregivers, guilt or loyalty conflicts, and self-doubt about whether it “really counts” as abuse.

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As a psychologist experienced in working with coercive and controlling dynamics, I provide a safe, respectful space to begin making sense of these experiences. Therapy often involves exploring how early patterns of control may continue to affect your sense of safety, trust, self-worth, or boundaries in adulthood.

Using Schema Therapy and other trauma-informed approaches, we can work to identify and soften the beliefs or coping patterns that developed in response to control — such as self-blame, people-pleasing, or hypervigilance — and build healthier, more empowering ways of relating to yourself and others.

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You don’t have to process this alone. Healing from coercive control takes time, compassion, and support. Therapy can help you understand what happened, recover your sense of autonomy, and move toward freedom and wholeness.

Yes. Children are always affected by coercive control, even if they were not directly targeted. Growing up in an environment where one parent dominates, intimidates, or manipulates the other can deeply impact a child’s sense of safety, trust, and emotional wellbeing.

Children may learn to stay quiet to avoid conflict, become anxious or withdrawn, or act out with anger and defiance. They may also feel caught between parents, unsure who to trust, or carry guilt and self-blame for the tension in the home. Even when the controlling behaviour wasn’t directed at them, witnessing fear, criticism, or control can shape how they view relationships, conflict, and themselves.

At this time, I do not work directly with children, but I provide parenting support for adults — something research shows is a crucial part of helping children recover from coercive and controlling environments. As a psychologist, I can help you:

• Understand the impact coercive control may have had on your child’s emotions, behaviour, and development.

• Recognise signs of trauma such as hypervigilance, sleep difficulties, or emotional withdrawal.

• Respond to your child’s needs in a way that rebuilds trust, stability, and emotional safety.

• Develop practical strategies for managing challenging behaviour while fostering connection and emotional regulation.

• Rebuild your confidence as a parent, particularly if you have been undermined or disempowered within the relationship.

The good news is that children are remarkably resilient when given the right support. With safety, consistency, and nurturing care, many recover and thrive after experiences of coercive control. Therapy can help you strengthen your own sense of agency and create a home environment where your children can begin to heal and flourish.

It’s completely understandable to feel confused. Coercive control often doesn’t start with obvious abuse — it develops gradually through patterns of manipulation, criticism, or fear that leave you questioning your own reality. People living in controlling relationships often describe feeling like they’re “walking on eggshells,” never quite sure what will keep the peace or trigger anger or withdrawal.

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This confusion is a normal response to an abnormal situation. Coercive control works by distorting your sense of safety and self-trust. Periods of calm, affection, or “making up” can make you doubt your concerns, while moments of tension or fear reinforce your anxiety. This cycle of warmth and control keeps you emotionally tied to the relationship and unsure whether what you’re experiencing really “counts” as abuse.

If you find yourself feeling anxious, fearful, silenced, or constantly trying to manage someone else’s reactions, these may be signs of coercive control. You don’t have to have physical violence present for the situation to be serious or harmful.

Talking it through in a safe, non-judgmental space can help you begin to see the pattern more clearly. As a psychologist experienced in coercive and controlling dynamics, I can help you:

• Explore what’s been happening without pressure or judgment.

• Understand the psychological tactics that create confusion and self-doubt.

• Reconnect with your own perspective, values, and sense of agency.

• Identify steps toward safety and emotional recovery, at your own pace.

You don’t have to figure it out alone. Feeling unsure is part of how coercive control operates — but with support, clarity and confidence can begin to return.

Domestic and family violence is an umbrella term that includes many different forms of abuse — physical, sexual, emotional, financial, social, and spiritual. Coercive control is a particular pattern within domestic violence. It refers to a deliberate and ongoing strategy where one person uses intimidation, isolation, manipulation, and control to dominate the other.

Generally, domestic violence does not occur without some element of control. Coercive control is therefore often evident to some degree in most relationships where domestic and family violence is present. While the types and intensity of control may vary, patterns of intimidation, restriction, or manipulation are usually central to how abuse operates.

Physical violence may or may not be present, but the hallmark of coercive control is a pattern of behaviours that restricts a person’s freedom and erodes their sense of self. Examples include monitoring movements, cutting someone off from friends or family, controlling finances, dictating daily routines, or using threats to create fear.

My research into control in intimate relationships highlighted how coercive control often underpins domestic violence. While physical assaults may be the most visible, coercive control operates in the background — creating the conditions of fear, entrapment, and dependence that keep someone in the relationship.

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Understanding this distinction is important: a relationship without frequent physical assaults can still be extremely unsafe if coercive control is present. Therapy can help survivors make sense of these dynamics, reduce self-blame, and work toward recovery from the often invisible wounds of control.